loving someone destined not to be mine...

finally! i'm gonna post something again in my blog... it's been a long time since my last entry... it was early feb right? anyway, been so many of you readers who misses my posts already... hehe... anyway, thanks for waiting... i hope you, my avid readers, won't lose interest in my blogs...

sorry that i didn't post for about a month... been busy with some exams... the Mensa qualifying exam (yes!!! i'm finally qualified!!!) and the professional civil service exam (opening my options on working in a government office... got to start my political career... hehe).

hmm... most of you want a love theme blog again... hmm... it's hard to stay with that theme... haha!! got not much inspiration though...

well... anyway... good news!! i've already moved on... i fell in love again... with someone i've been in love before..... wah!!!

well... she is a DEAR friend of mine... someone who knows me inside out... she could easily read my mind and anticipate what's my next move.... she knows me THAT WELL...

maybe some of you know her already... hehe...

i saw her again late january in some gathering... we haven't seen each other for quite a while... been missing her companionship...

and then BOOM... my former lost affection just sprout like the flowers in springtime (is that a good analogy?)

and after that... she's always on my mind... she was my inspiration...

besides, she's an epitome of my standards... high iq, authoritative, successful, independent, conservative (yes, i like conservative people... believe me...)

she was an inspiration... not only as what i would like to be my wife... but also as what i also like to be... she's living a life i would like to have...

but then of course... i KNOW that she can't be mine... (pure logic tells me so...)

i only want to show my affection... i REALLY don't want her to like me... i just want to give LOVE... not receive it... (loving her means that i must see to it that she must NOT have a husband like me... hehe)

besides, she's a GOOD friend...

would i sacrifice our friendship for a selfish act of courting her?

NO i wouldn't...

coz her friendship means so much to me... i'd rather have her as a friend...

she's a living embodiment of my dreams...

indeed... you can't have EVERYTHING you like in this world...

but as of now...

she'll be my inspiration...

she will ALWAYS be...

as i always hope for a message from her everyday (she's in another country right now)... which i'm sure would make me happy...

but alas... it's just another false hope to begin with...

and now i'm back to being myself again... back to the realities of life...

at least she's inspiring me to become more than myself...

got to achieve things in the little time i'm giving myself...

to her... thanks for your friendship...

and... i love you...