On the ROAD to RECOVERY...

Friday, 4:30 pm... I'm buying my favorite drink at Starbucks... Chocolate Cream Frappuccino Venti...

Ahh... I'm gonna spend some quality time with my good old high school and college buddy, Philip Morris (TM), at the balcony of Starbucks Glorietta 4... (Yes, this is my favorite brand of cigar... I used to smoke about 40 sticks A DAY in early 1995... in 1996, when my grandfather died, I puffed 2 sticks simultaneously... haha!! Thanks for making me remember this Jan Adelle! Had a 6-year no-smoking period after 1997... in those years, I smoked 10 sticks max a year...)

I have a nice place though.. at the middle of the balcony near the ledge... I can see the dark clouds in the horizon past the Ayala MRT Station... gazing at the new SM Makati and of course the beauty of Hotel Intercon and Oakwood Hotel... down below the ledge, there's the memorable Oakwood Park which where I used to hang out almost everyday a few years ago... ahh.. brings back memories of yesteryears...

Sheesh!! I had a long walk from Glorietta to Mozcom office and back (that's 2 km) just to pay for the Internet connection bill of my shop... with blisters at my feet provided by my new CATTERPILLAR safety shoes. (Remember, safety shoes are NOT used for walking LONG distances... although I've used those kind of shoes in the majority of my college years...)

Ouch, my body is still hurting caused by my gym sessions... at least my muscles are firm now (maybe caused by the muscle-enhancing drugs I'm taking)... and I have a nice posture caused by my arm stiffness (I can't even stretch my shoulders!). I can still remember 10 years ago, I used to barbell squat with 100 lbs and bench press 80 lbs with ease, 15 reps, 3 sets.. now I can't even do 10 repetitions of bench press with 40 lbs... waah!!!

Down below, there's a mini-event at Oakwood Park which I didn't get interested... but I saw some wall-climbing events. Makes me remember back in 1994, in our C.A.T. Live Fire Exercise in Ternate, Cavite (read: firing a gun with LIVE ammunition) with an M-16 Carbine targetting a can 15 feet from the beach. Before that session, we climbed a 25ft 80-degree cliff with one rope (no harness)... now that's easy! Going down is VERY DIFFICULT for me... I still can't rappel properly... waah!!

Sheesh!! It's hard being depressed... Now I know the feeling of my other ex-girlfriend... I now EMPHATIZED her for having lived in a hell-hole that I'm experiencing now... I now know the life of a person being replaced... (oops... hmm... is she gonna read this? She still don't know that there was a third party involved in OUR breakup... hehe... maybe NOT.. besides... she's HAPPY right now... and there's NO WAY we're gonna get together again...)

Going back... while I'm waiting for my female friend... and having a quality time with good ol' Philip Morris, I just can't stop contemplating...

As my dear colleague Rom said to me a few months back... "Pare, after 5 years, I want US to spend our nightcaps in a posh coffee shop... talking about our careers and businesses...."

Now that's more like it... I can now focus on something else... MY CAREER!!!

It gave me another reason for moving on... which I almost forgot... MY DREAMS... MY CAREER PLANS... (I've been too blinded by the concept of settling down... I almost forgot my career... hehe)

Hey Aki, are there any posh coffee shops there in Singapore that you, your brother Angelo, Rom and I could spend some quality time when we're ALL TOGETHER there? I plan to go there in 2 years MAX...

Ahh... now THIS is life... having a cold coffee in one hand... and talking money-making strategies and technical issues with high-IQ people... Can't get enough of it... It makes my mind work... which is the BEST part of me... MY BRAINS!!! (Can I donate my brain when I die? My lungs are slowly being burnt, my heart is wasted, my eyes are near-blind, and my kidney... I don't know.. even though I had a gf doctor, I haven't let her check on my kidneys...)

5:00 pm... still no sign from my friend... but I'm getting a hang on my hobby when I'm in Makati... BABES WATCHING! (next time, I won't use the term BABES... it reminds me of someone... waah!!)

Have a group of Assumption girls two tables in front of me... together with their hip-hop friends/dates... just can't stop thinking of the generation gap... "puro PORMA wala namang ALAM"... they are the EPITOME of BEAUTY WITHOUT BRAINS... hahah!! (sorry for that, i'm just a discriminative person... meant no offense)

Even though I don't like students with uniforms.. I just can't stop doing what I'm always doing since my high school days... SEEING BEYOND the UNIFORM!!! hehe... I'm checking their bra size/brands... checking their panties and see if they wear thongs... (just can't get enough of those thongs... seen them with cover... without cover.. and seen them without IT... hahaha!!)

Ahh... after a few minutes.. they left... ok.. a Paulinian replaced them in the table... nice view.. c,")

Sheesh!! Two teen girls blocked my view... about 3 feet away from me... sheesh!! At least they provided me with close-up body viewing... seen both with cup-B bras... the other one having a white panty with pink stripes coming out of her pants... hehehe...

Wow... a lone busty girl with a frapp in her hand is looking for a place to sit... hmm... I've always want to approach those kind of girls and say "Hi, can I hold this for you?"... NOT the frapp ha!! The BOOBS!!! hehe.. Sometimes I want to be a brassierre... :p

As Rom said... "If you're in a BIG company and you're bored of seeing the same kind of things everyday... go to the MARKETING Department... you'll appreciate the BEAUTY of nature"

Haha!! If there's a PRETTY marketing executive who has an IQ of 130 plus... I'll go for it.. :p

Ahh... the pleasure of being SINGLE...

No limits... no boundaries... no burden of someone always checking up on you... no curfews... no fear of doing something that might cause jealousy....

No one to care for you... no one to love you... waaah!! (I'm getting overboard here!!)

Yes, being SINGLE... that's what I'm gonna work on... Besides, it's been THREE YEARS since the last time I was single... been in a relationship ever since...

7:00 pm... two and a half hours of waiting... on to my 15th stick... and then my friend came... and she has a GIFT... plus she promised to TREAT me for DINNER... now that's good... I should always be heartbroken hehe...

On to my dinner at Food Choices... at our favorite place near the window overlooking Intercon... brings back memories of our "barkada" (read: a group of friends... have to translate in english for those foreign readers... hehe)

Ahh.. good ol' barkada memories... had fun while it lasted... it ended when one of us became a traitor... (you know, a boy and a girl in a barkada... the boy likes the girl... girl don't like the boy... another boy from the barkada acted as a bridge... and it all ended up with the bridge and the girl being together... hehe... Don't ever EVER get in a relationship with a barkada member... the future of the barkada is AT RISK...)

The TRUST never again came back and then POOF... the group dissipated...

As one of my barkada said when asked if our group could get together again... "We MUST move on with our lives... Even though I've already forgiven them, deep inside.. it HASN'T..."

You can't TRUST if there's no TRUE FORGIVENESS...

TRUST is GAINED... and that takes time... it's hard... but that's the challenge...

"Thanks for making me learn how to TRUST again..." -- a text from my ex-gf after we reconciled (?)

I wish I could say those words in the near future...

If you've been in a situation like I had, having only a few steps in settling down, and then abruptly being left behind... I guess you'll be TRAUMATIZED as I am right now...

I just can't TRUST anybody right now... including MYSELF...

I can't TRUST myself to love again.. coz the TRAUMA would only let me SCREW UP the relationship...

I can never TRUST my partner again... coz I'm afraid that I might be AGAIN in the SAME situation like I'm in right now...

I've posted my blogs so that you could LEARN from my MISTAKES... don't EVER EVER do what I have done...

I just want you guys NOT to experience what I'm experiencing right now... I guess that's all I can do... SHARE my KNOWLEDGE...

9:30 pm... got to get home... Have to type this blog soon...

Hmm... I wish I had this writing talent before.. I might end up being a spot column writer... hehe...

Or write a book... have a "Catcher in the Rye" (my favorite novel)... part TWO...

Besides... I'm like Holden Caufield (the main character in that book)... same ideas.. same philosophies...

Heck...

While I'm walking back to Landmark to get a ride home...

I'm preparing myself for my future... for my dreams... my ambitions...

No time for love... have to move on without it... (on sex... hmm... that's different.. hehe)

As said in Economics... after depression comes RECOVERY...

With a little bit of hope (I guess deep inside I still have that LOVE for HER in me)...

And a renewed focus, vigor and strength...

I'm prepared for the future...

COME WHAT MAY...