The DARKER side of REALIZATIONS...

The sole purpose of this blog is to release my anger. If reflection is one of the things that helps me to move on... anger is another. Besides... as I've said before... you need to have an outburst...

Got not much inspiration though.. had only 5 sticks of Marlboro Reds, my body still aching from my gym session, plus the numbness of my upper right leg (3 days already). Can't go to the doctor to have a check-up... i'm TRAUMATIZED by doctors... believe me... i don't have TRUST on THEM anymore....

Hmm.. am I unfair for GENERALIZING?

We all have our prejudices... I guess I have added another one to my list...

Besides... prejudices can EASILY be removed... right??

Like for example... you could say that "I don't TRUST MEN anymore!! Manloloko silang lahat!!!"

And then after a few days... ayun.. may boyfriend na...

Sarap kainin ng sinabi no...

You just can't TRUST what people say...

One thing I've learned is to NOT BELIEVE IN DAMN PROMISES.

If you can't keep a PROMISE... then don't make it in the first place. Sheesh!!!

Don't say your SORRY if you have broken a PROMISE... believe me... you're NOT worth it.

So if you don't want to hurt a person by giving him/her false hopes... DON'T PROMISE.

Anyway... it's nothing for me.. coz I wouldn't believe in a DAMN PROMISE anyway....

The BASIS of LOVE is TRUST... yes... it's true...

But don't make it an EXCUSE...

If you REALLY love a person, you would know how to GIVE ANOTHER CHANCE. Why? Because it's for the SAKE OF THE RELATIONSHIP. If you WANT the RELATIONSHIP to LAST, you SHOULD MEET THAT PERSON HALF WAY (and I know the person who taught me THIS, sheesh!).

Or is it just a REVENGE?

I know, I'm the one who's at FAULT here... coz I'm the ONE who had left her before... but we RECONCILED... right? FORGIVENESS is a BIG FACTOR in RECONCILIATION... NOT PITY...

But hey? Do you REALLY NEED to get REVENGE to a person that you VALUE? (I didn't used the term LOVE here... I guess she never REALLY had LOVED me ... coz I'm JUST a "minor love" to her... only a stepping stone...)

NEVER GIVE UP if you VALUE the RELATIONSHIP.

Giving up means TWO things....

1.) you don't love that person anymore

2.) you already FOUND another

You've fallen OUT OF LOVE by the DEMONS inside you?

The DEMONS? Those TINY LITTLE DAMN DEMONS?

You should KNOW that the DEMONS are there to KEEP YOU IN DOUBT, KEEP YOU FROM SEEING THE BEAUTY OF LIFE. If you're a GODLY person, you should know that!!! (What an IRONY!)

And yet you're HAPPY by being DEFEATED by THOSE DEMONS? SHEESH!!!

LOGIC tells that if it's not premise 1, it SHOULD be premise 2.

I was left because there's SOMEONE ELSE.

Now I know, that REALLY LOVING SOMEONE doesn't necessarily mean that YOUR PARTNER WOULD ALSO GIVE YOU THE SAME AMOUNT OF LOVE.

I was a FOOL to LOVE that much...

Besides, to really LOVE someone, you must give it unconditionally, without expecting anything to be given back. And it's true, the GREATEST HAPPINESS in life is to be convinced that you're being loved. -- from my friend Aki

And what happened made me realize...

That I'm just a trash... an insecured DAMN trash...

And this adds to my INSECURITIES, huh...

As my friend Aki said, "When you realize that you don't really matter to someone, you wonder if you matter to anyone."

I guess I must now get back to my shell... coz it's the only place I know that my pride and dignity wouldn't be destroyed.

Yes LOVING is a risk. And I risked all that I've got for it...

But sadly.. I lost...

Ahh.. ANGER... such a sweet emotion...

But you know what?

Even though she caused me so much PAIN??

I STILL FORGAVE HER.

Why? Coz deep inside, I'm STILL the FOOL who LOVES her SO MUCH...

As I go back to my shell... I'll leave my gates open for HER... coz even though I've already stuffed my mind with hopeless thoughts... deep inside.. I still have that DAMN LITTLE hope....

And I know that i'll REGRET this someday...

The last thing I want to share with the people who are reading this....

DON'T BE A FOOL LIKE ME.

And to the ONE who's the SUBJECT of my anger...

Please UNDERSTAND me... I'm just releasing my anger... TAO LANG PO AKO... MAY PUSO'T DAMDAMIN...

NASASAKTAN DIN PO AKO....

And DON'T SMOKE... you're HAPPY now right? I'm the ONE who SHOULD smoke... coz I was the ONLY ONE who had FELT the HEARTBREAK...