Why I'm an ATHEIST...

I still remember when I was young... been active in my school's (Saint Anthony School) church activities... been good in religion (Catholicism)... have been in sa many main roles in religious plays....

Ahhh... and there was the Bible Studies in my family's church (Protestant)... have been awarded and decorated so many times...

Yes... I've been a believer... have a Christian culture as my foundation...

And then....

Failure... failure... failure... in love... studies... career... society....

And then I asked... "Why God? Why?"

I then realized that there's NO ONE to believe on... only MYSELF....

Job may have passed the test... but I guess I wouldn't...

Friends?? Naah... they're not there when I need them... I guess I only got COLLEAGUES and CLOSE ACQUAINTANCES...

Family?? Hmm.. I always keep my family out of my personal businesses...

Got nothing left for me to lean upon... except MYSELF...

And then, SOMENONE showed me the way back to GOD... and then I hoped for a better life ahead of me...

Then something happened...

I found GOD.. but the thing is... IT doesn't want me back...

And then I reverted back to being my old self again.. back to darkness I've been in through all of those years...

I resent for having such false hopes...

You have a GOD.. i respect that... But for me?? It's just a figment of human imagination created to alleviate the pain from reality...

As I'm now again in a state of depression... I hope I can find something to believe on...

Coz now, I can only blame myself for my failures...

And now I realize, there's no more hope...

If there is a HELL... I look forward to it... because I think I'm much more happier there...

I may mask myself with a happy face... but deep inside... hopelessness prevails...

It's fun having a deviant behavior... it shows the advancement of philosophy and the human mind...