Things I have learned from Bernadette...

Even though it's hard for me to accept... but love really has departed me... and one of the things that would help me recover is to reflect....

Yes, I love her... I really do...

That's why I'm giving SO MUCH importance to her...

And yet... sadly... she can never be mine...

But before I move on, I want to share some things she had taught me along the way...

***********************************************************************

"Maybe God wanted us to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift" -- from her blog

"The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches" -- from her blog

Maybe it is. Almost all of us had suffered from love before. Almost all of us regained our bearings and moved again in life. But always remember the things you have learned from those experiences. And when you find the person that you really love, be thankful for the past that you have had and practice the knowledge that you have gained from that past.

***********************************************************************

"In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with...and the one that got away. Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with whom everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose." -- from her blog

One reason why love failed is because it is not yet time. People love without realizing if they are really prepared for it. They just fall in love because they needed to be loved. And that spells doom. Never EVER fall in love for the sake of your own security and happiness. But hey, you need to have failed relationships in order to become wise.

***********************************************************************

"Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will." -- from her blog

Learn to be contented with the one you love. He/She may not be PERFECT, but still, she's the one for you. Call it fate if you will. Readiness ALWAYS comes after contentment. I know that, believe me... I've already FELT that.

***********************************************************************

"scared, i gave up the fight which, in my heart i know, determines my future happiness. thinking, with all the pain that i have gone through i could no longer take another blow... so i tried to forget" -- from her blog

"you don’t need to be loved and be wanted… you’ll just end up hurting…" -- from her blog

"but w/ all the growing demons in my soul & the turmoils of my heart, i could not risk loving him the way i have loved before. " -- from her blog

THIS IS IMPORTANT>>>>>

Loving is taking risks. We're afraid of getting hurt. But if you REALLY love someone, you'll take ALL the risks. The demons left by the past will always make you fail to see the love you're having. Be strong to take the demons HEAD ON. They are DEMONS, remember? They are there to bring DOUBT in you. We all have these demons. And you won't get CONTENTED and HAPPINESS without being victorious against it.

"To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt. -- Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved." -- from my friend Michael Jude "Aki" Suarez on his friendster profile... thanks for acknowledging me in your profile Aki.

***********************************************************************

"with little of the faith that remains in me, i pray for a miracle. a miracle of love... that though lost souls that we are, roaming in this vast desert of doubt, insecurities, falsehood & pain, may we find a path that would lead us both to each other. & i will never let go of ur hand, never again." -- from her blog

I am guilty that I'm still holding on. Maybe it's the only way for me to live. I know it's wrong, but it's the only thing that keeps me believing that I'll have a brighter future. As my favorite quote says "The end justifies the means - Niccolo Machiavelli", living is my end objective, hoping is my means.

But don't be a fool like me who believes in this.

Holding on will only make you close your eyes on the beauty of life. Holding on would only let you live a false hope. Learn to love again. Learn to live. It takes time, yes. But still, have patience. You never really know what happens next.

"Minsan, iniisip natin na mag LET GO... na mag MOVE ON... Iniisip pa lang natin, nasasaktan na tayo... What if we walk or talk to finally LET GO... BADTRIP!!! Masakit di ba? It breaks your heart even more kung alam mo sa sarili mo na, sobrang LOVE mo sya... Like, you've sacrificed A LOT!!! Marami ka nang nagawa na di mo nagagawa sa iba... Pero di niya lahat nakita yun! he/she's so blind to see and so deaf to hear!!! Why? Ewan ko ba...kung bakit may mga tao na... Sobrang... MANHID!!!!! Or probably nagmamanhid manhidan lang! Dahil ba... HINDI ka talaga niya GUSTO or IBA ang MAHAL niya... Hindi mo tuloy alam if you should let go of your feelings for him/her once and for all... As I've said... Mas madali siguro mag-LET GO if you know he/she doesn't give a thing about you... Syempre kung meron...hindi niya pababayaan na MAWALA ka... But if you think...OK lang sa kanya yun... Don't be a FOOL!!! LET GO... How would you fight for THE ONE you LOVE? MAHAL mo nga pero habang ipinaglalaban mo naman siya... ipinaglalaban niya din yung taong MAHAL NIYA!!! What are we to do? E ganyan talaga! REALITY BITES, as the saying goes... MASAKIT, MAHIRAP, PARANG di MO MAKAKAYA... OO, that's NORMAL sa pag LE-LET GO. Sometimes...you'ld really want to forget all the hurt and convince yourself that YOU'LL BE LOVING HIM/HER NO MATTER WHAT, COME WHAT MAY, FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!! Ang nakapagtataka pa dun...bakit ayan ka na naman.. di mo naisip... NAPATAWAD mo siya agad at nakalimutan ang sakit... PERO WALA NAMAN SiYANG GINAGAWA... WALA SIYANG GINAGAWA KUNDI SAKTAN KA!!! ang mas masakit pa dyan... THE DANG CYCLE GOES ON AND ON AND ON... Paulit-ulit lang yan.. OK.. Palusot ng IBA... pag mahal mo, di ka magsasawa... KAMOTE!!!!! C'mon!!! MAGSAWA NA tayo sa MGA SAKIT na binibigay nila!!! THINK GUYS!!! kung gano natin sila kamahal... GANUN DIN nila tayo sinaktan... mahal ba natin sila dahil ganun sila? o ganun sila dahil ALAM na mahal natin sila?!!!" -- by Mariacia from her friendster bulletin post

***********************************************************************

"I love you, profoundly and completely. And I always will." -- from her yahoo profile

Ouch! Self-realizations really hurts. When you find true love, always... ALWAYS... love that person profoundly and completely. Never ever take love for GRANTED. If the love failed, never EVER lose respect on that person. You would know you really LOVED that person if there is still RESPECT to that person after the love has lost.

***********************************************************************

"One must not rely fully on logic to explain another's action/past. Sometimes love is needed. For with love, comes understanding. Logic, like science and all other things associated with this world, is finite. It has boundaries, may be lacking in some areas. In a relationship, logic is wanting. For there are some things that could not be explained by logic. Thus, love is needed. Where logic and explanations stops, there love and understanding continues." -- from her one and only letter to me

Even if I'm logical person, I was touched by this one. Truly, love can't be explained by logic. Love is an emotion. Don't ever love a person for personal advancements. Love a person for who he/she really are. Don't use your mind, use your HEART. Happiness wouldn't come if you ONLY use your mind. For HAPPINESS is an emotion, it can't also be explained by logic.

***********************************************************************

"Your love for me will lead you back to GOD, you will because we will be together for a long time" -- she said to me after we reconciled

And I guess she really did lead me back to GOD. I've been in much more tougher situations than this, yet I don't really needed to search for GOD. It really needed someone who's important to me that would let me find GOD again.

Have faith. Have faith. Believing in yourself is good, but don't let it leave just like that. Find someone to hold on to, someone who could give you the strength in times of trouble. Someone who may give you hope. Someone who could give you miracles. Always thank HIM. Always do. The hardships that you had encountered helped you become a better person. Thank HIM for the life that you have got.

***********************************************************************

"You'll love someone else, but NOT the same as your LOVE for me" -- she said after the breakup

Hmm... thinking... thinking...

Yes love is different in every relationship that you would have. But don't be too naive to love less every time.

But for me... I don't know...

***********************************************************************

"Thanks for loving me so much" -- she texted after the breakup

Knowing that you've loved someone so much is very heart-warming. Even if it fails, you know that you did ALL you could. Be satisfied with what you have done, yet strive to be better the next time.

You may never know that you've already exceeded your personal limitations once you give it all.

I know... I did that already.

***********************************************************************

She would have been my fiancee, she would have been my wife...

And yet...

It'll never be...

All I could do now is to cherish her inside of me...

And honor her by doing the things she had taught me...

Yes she had left me...

She had left me... a BETTER man...

Thank you Bernadette.

"When you finally realize you didn't matter at all to someone, you begin to wonder if you matter to anyone." - from my friend Aki