The courage of facing LONELINESS...

(I'm inspired even though i haven't smoked a lot... just watched an episode of "Friends", the episode where Rache and Ross broke up... and I'm currently listening to the "Sound of Music" soundtrack... I really love classic movies...)

I'll start by this thought:

"To love means you must have courage... for it opens you to hurt... coz when it fails, you fall flat on your face..."

Yes it's true... to love means you gotta have guts... and be ready to get hurt...

But this blog is NOT actually about NOT to love.

This blog is about NOT to be in a ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP.

As I've said in my blog "The Fallacy of Love": loving is used for a SINGLE person... when two people LOVE each other, it's already called a romantic relationship.

People nowadays, especially the young ones, fell in love because they NEED to be secure. They NEED someone to call their love/honey/sweetheart/gf/bf. They NEED someone to hug them, someone to kiss them, someone to LOVE them.

They go into a relationship just because of selfish reasons. They just need a stable companion.

They NEED to forget their LOST love... a REBOUND... or they get in a relationship with a person because that person loves them... and they just love in RETURN...

They get into a relationship because of the ASPECT of LOVE..

They tend to forget that the MAIN reason for having a relationship is really... to LOVE that person.

They then justify their relationship by learning to LOVE their partners. But do they really learn to love?

People are hard to get contented. They have their own standards of a PERFECT partner. Like Prince Charming, or a Princess.

But hey, let's be realistic... it's HARD to find someone like that!

So when they are in a relationship, they first justify that by learning to love their partner... then all is fine...

But then... after a while.. they see their partner's IMPERFECTIONS... then they tend to justify again...

And then they can't accept their partner's faults...

Then they will find someone/something new... they get tempted in finding someone/something else...

Then they fall out of love...

Wash, rinse, repeat...

The loop of love... "a lifetime venture"... a lifetime of foolishness...

And people DO this for their SELFISH reasons... their self-satisfaction... self-preservation if you will... and then justify it because of self-righteousness...

And they DO this WITHOUT even a single consideration for their partners...

They search for their OWN happiness... not minding their partners' happiness...

Loving is giving your partner's happiness.. am I right???

Sheesh...

It's better to be an ATHEIST and have MORALS than a "believer" that has NO MORALS...

If a person YOU LOVE can't be yours, BE CONTENTED...

And DON'T EVER FORCE YOURSELF TO LOVE SOMEONE ELSE...

Don't get tempted in someone who LOVES you...

Don't FALL for the TRAP of LOVE just because you NEEDED to...

It's courageous to love...

But it's MORE courageous to face LONELINESS...

For you will face the torment of living alone... without someone to love... someone loving you back...

And that takes a LOT of guts...

Learn to LOVE someone and NOT having them...

Than "loving" someone just because you needed to...

Because really.. you'll be easily tempted... and you will be the cause of a failed relationship...

It's better to be ALONE than hurting another person...

IT'S BETTER TO BE LONELY THAN BREAKING SOMEONE ELSE'S HEART.

"When you promised to love, refuse to let it die..."

Sheesh, tell THAT to the Marines... coz most of the time, that PROMISE will be broken...

(Thanks Lourdes and Meech for inspiring me on this one.)

insights lifted from 'love notes'

note: this post is from a friendster bulletin board post of my ex-gf (bernadette). althought it doesn't reflect my stand about love (i'm already finished with that aspect of my life... anyway, read my post "Fallacy of Love" for my explanation of love), i see this fit for those people who needs to be enlightened by how love works. i hope you'll learn from this, and don't be too stubborn like me... besides... i've already have my mindset on how i would live my life... ^_^

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(insights lifted from 'love notes')

when you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. but when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher.

in the game of love, it doesn't really matter who won or who lost. what is important is that you know when to hold on and when to let go.

you know you really love someone when you want him/her to be happy. even if their happiness means you're not part of it.

everything happens for the best.

if the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love someone else again. for you willnever know unless you give it a try.

you will never love a person you love, unless you risk for love.

love strives in hurting.

if you don't get hurt, you won't learn how to love.

but love doesn't hurt all the time.

though the hurting is still there to test you; to help you grow.

don't find love, let love find you.

that's why it's called "falling in love," because you don't force yourself to fall, you just fall.

you cannot finish a book without closing its chapters. if you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages.

love is not destroyed by a single failure, or won by a single caress.

it is a lifetime venture-- in which we are always loving, discovering and growing.

the greatest irony of love is: letting go when you need to hold on; and holding on when you need to let go.

we lose someone we love only when we're destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves.

on falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get back on the horse. but don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time.

to love is to risk rejection. to live is to risk dying. to hope is to risk failure.

but risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is risk nothing.

to reach for another is to risk involvement. to expose your feelings is to expose your true self.

to love is to risk, not to be loved in return.

how to define love: fall, but do not stumble. be constant, but not too persistent. share, and never be unfair. understand, and try not to demand. hurt, but never keep the pain.

love is like a knife. it can stab the heart, or it can carve wonderful images on the soul that always lasts for a lifetime.

love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. it should inspire you and give you joy and strength. but sometimes, the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end.

loving people means giving them the freedom who they chose to be and where they chose to be.

for all the heartaches and the tears. for gloomy days and fruitless years. you should give thanks. for you know, these are the things that helped you grow.

loving someone means giving him/her the freedon to find his/her way-- whether it leads towards you or away from you.

love is a painful risk to take. but the risk must be taken, no matter how scary or painful. for only then would you experience the fullness of humanity-- and that is love.

"only love can hurt your heart. fill you with desire and tear you apart. only love can make you cry. and only love knows why."

if you're not ready to cry. if you're not ready to take the risk. if you're not ready to feel the pain. then you are not ready to fall in love.

there was a time in our lives when we became afraid to fall in love, because everytime we do, we get hurt.

then i figured, that is why it's called falling in love...

when you decide to love, allow it to grow.

when you promised to love, refuse to let it die...

a new year... a new lease on life...

(my new year friendster profile)

got back from HELL...

like a PHOENIX... reborn...

i'm glad it happened on my REAL birthday...

with a RENEWED focus...

and GREATER strength...

the WORLD will now be my stage...

where I could show my POTENTIAL...

gone are the days of petty LOVE...

for my REAL HAPPINESS doesn't lie on that...

now it's time for me to prove...

what really is...

MY SELF-WORTH...

Fallacy of LOVE

(just finished smoking a half pack of Marlboro Menthol... can't sleep even though the sun is already on its way up... drinking a hot choco because the weather is too damn cold... just finished reading the book "Rich Dad Poor Dad"... and a black cat is sleeping on my lap... these are my inspirations for this blog...)

Let me start by asking... what is LOVE?

Some say it's a give and take relationship...

Some say it's the basis of marriage...

Hmm...

To me.. it's this...

And I'm gonna START being IDEALISTIC on this one.

Love is a ONE WAY STREET...

Huh? One way??

Yes, ONE WAY.

A Half-Duplex in networking communication terms.

When you LOVE someone, it's the welfare of that person that YOU should keep in mind.

Especially that person's HAPPINESS.

Why is that?

Well... PURE (and UNCONDITIONAL) LOVE means that you SHOULD care for that person, give WILLINGLY to that person's desires, let that person have FREEDOM to reach his/her DREAMS and AMBITIONS.

When that person has those things, that person would have his/her HAPPINESS.

Is this martyrdom?

Actually, YES.

But what about YOURSELF?

Now this is where TRUST and FAITH comes in.

You must TRUST that person to LOVE you back.

You must HAVE FAITH in that person to LOVE you back.

And believe me, you can't CONTROL a person, for that person has his/her own characteristics and beliefs that made him/her an INDIVIDUAL.

It's like the FUTURE... you CAN'T control it... the only thing you can control is your REACTION to it.

Is LOVE a give and take relationship?

Nope.

You call that a ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP.

Or in other words, "They LOVE one another".

Love is in a FIRST PERSON point of view. It's SUBJECTIVE. You know you're in LOVE, but you just don't REALLY know if your partner is REALLY in LOVE with you.

That's why SOME relationships don't work. Because they REALLY are NOT in LOVE with each other.

When you go into a relationship, think of these:

1. Could you REALLY make that person HAPPY?
2. Could that person REALLY accept YOU for what you really are (vice versa)?
3. Could that person be a part of your AMBITIONS/DREAMS?

The last one is a selfish question. Because you REALLY can't hold on to a relationship when YOU are NOT really HAPPY. You could get easily tempted by things that could break the relationship. Because contentment can't REALLY happen when you can't even reach HAPPINESS.

And CONTENTMENT is the final goal in a relationship.

"I'm HAPPY when he/she is HAPPY"

Bummer.

Humans are naturally selfish.

It's HOW you control that selfishness is what really matters.

Too much selfishness breaks up the relationship.

Understanding one another is the KEY.

Have an open line of communication. Know your partner's WANTS. Let it GUIDE you to yours. MEET HALFWAY.

And ALWAYS, have an OPEN MIND.

Have FAITH in yourself to REALLY love that person. Have FAITH in your LOVE to that person. Have FAITH in GOD and HOPE that the person you LOVE gives the same LOVE back.

You should ALWAYS think that the relationship is IMPORTANT.

If you don't, LOVE would wane.

But IF a relationship fails, don't despair.

It's EITHER you made it fail, or that person made it fail, or both. (and DON'T let it be YOU)

It fails, because there was a FLAW in your LOVE for each other.

And when it does, the relationship wasn't MEANT to be.

And lastly, LEARN from IT. (Winners are NOT afraid to LOSE. Because LOSING makes them much SMARTER.)