An Epilogue to a romantic relationship

It's been a very long time since I've last posted a blog. I haven't been motivated to write things. There are lots and lots of ideas that comes to my mind, but I'm so lazy to write them down... hehe...

Anyway... I just want to share something I had in mind for a few months already...

When I was silent in the blogging world, I was busy with my lovely girlfriend... YES, I had a girlfriend... ^_^

We've been together for quite sometime... a year and a half actually... but we went our own separate ways because it's the best for both of us...

With that in mind... let me share some knowledge that I have gained...

1. LOVE is not the only factor in getting into a relationship. If you love someone, yet you think you two can't get together well, you can't stand each other's personality, you want that person to change and vice versa, then it is not logical if you two get together in a romantic relationship. It's already a losing battle to begin with. You may think that it's a good risk to get into, but in the end, you might hurt yourself and your partner. It's better to stay as friends. Besides, if you love someone, it's better to give that someone the happiness he/she deserves, even it YOU are NOT in it.

2. If you've been dumped (or your partner breaks up with you), and you want him/her back, don't be foolish to DO EVERYTHING just to get that person back. He/She has the right to have the decision to break up with you. And even if you do things (hurt yourself, disregarding your work, suicide, seek pity, etc) just to get that person back, and he/she gets back with you, it's NOT because your ex loves you, but because he/she doesn't want you to get hurt. Eventually, it might just lead to another breakup. A cycle would follow till you become matured.

3. Better accept the fact that the relationship already ended. You two have tried your best. It just wouldn't work out.

4. YOU CAN'T CONTROL PEOPLE TO LOVE YOU. You could only hope. And even if you have gained their affection, you must work for it to last.

5. If you love someone, set him/her free. You may not give her the love and affection he/she deserves. Accept your faults.
Accept reality.

6. Cherish the times you were together. Value your former relationship/s.

7. Learn from your mistakes. If there was a break-up, you two are at fault. Just don't let the same thing happen in your next relationship.

8. Sometimes, it's better to be single. You're free to focus on things that are more important (family, career).

I still love my former girlfriend... but I know she will be more happier without me around... I'm giving her more headaches and problems... ^_^

The Rat Race of Love

Love, most of the time, is like a Rat Race...

In a wheel where a rat would run inside... going nowhere...

Like a cycle... endless... repeating...

You'll go in a cycle that goes like this...

1. Fall in love
2. Secure and be happy inside the relationship
3. Grow tired
4. Fool around or your partner fools around
5. Try to save the relationship
6. Give up
7. Dump or be dumped... plus the ensuing poetic dumping spiels... (i.e "we aren't meant to be" bullshits)
8. Wash... Rinse... Repeat

A friend of mine told me that we need to be in this cycle over and over again to find love. We can't give up on loving. We go back to the cycle to learn from it. And we won't let the same thing happen to us again...

Hmm...

If we have learned something from the cycle... we shouldn't go back to the same cycle again... coz if we did... we really didn't learn from the last one.

We go back to the cycle with new strategies... new knowledge... yet, we still go back to the same thing... and the same result...

I really pity those people who love just to be loved back...

They are easy pickings... they'll be easily used by the ones they like/love...

Why can't they have a strong and independent personality?

They just go again and again through the same cycle... without even knowing why they were used... or why the relationship didn't work out...

And they even defend their weak hearts when they were asked why they let themselves be fooled...

And after they were fooled... they just go back through the same process... never learning... never understanding the realities of life...

Sometimes... you just grow tired... and think you won't go back in the cycle...

Gonna take a rest from loving...

And then you see a beautiful being... the person you only could have dream of...

And then you realize... you fell for that person... and that person reciprocates your feelings...

And then you were happy... maybe you're in the happiest moment of your life...

You want that feeling to last "forevermore"... and asked that person, "how did you know, I needed someone like you in my life?"

(Was playing that two songs while i'm creating this blog... sorry for the song plugs)

And then... you wake up...

And it's all just a dream... that may not happen again...

You woke up thinking that you should go back... like (the late) Christopher Reeves did in the movie "Somewhere in Time"...

But to no avail... you won't...

You've came back in the cycle because you let it happen...

You've let yourself be fooled or hurt because you CONSCIOUSLY let it happen...

Sometimes... the stupid but resilient and stubborn heart wins against the reasoning of a logical mind...

Bummer...

A friend once told me that "you'll live longer if you have no emotions"...

I guess that's the way to go for me...

Like Robert Kiyosaki said...

"Go out from the Rat Race"

Super Hero Syndrome

I have a yahoo messenger status since late last month that goes like this...

"Exists only when needed"

I always want to entertain everybody... get the people around me pleased...

I always want to help people out... give objective and sound advices... make a good legacy if you will...

I make some people special... be sweet to them as much as i can...

I always want to be remembered as a person that's very helpful, sweet, humourous and fun to be with...

But you know what... it sometimes takes it toll...

That the people that you help... will just leave you after you help them...

You sometimes feel that you don't get appreciated...

That you're just there to be USED...

When all you want to be is a good friend... or at least a good acquaintance...

Let's look at the definition of friendship in Wikipedia:

"Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behaviour between two or more social entities. This article focuses on the notion specific to interpersonal relationships. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them."

Nice definition from Wikipedia.

You must take note of the terms: co-operative, mutual, share, reciprocating...

Really... friends share a mutual understanding...

Or is the definition full of crap?

Let's see friendship in its raw form.

Very raw form.

You need friends for what?

To be pleased? To have activity partners? To have someone there to listen to you? To have someone to be with you and you'll not feel alone? Etc.

In short... you need a friend to be USED for something that you like to do/happen.

Don't burn me on this one... I don't intend to use the term USED in an immoral/bad manner... (or if you do... you're a shallow person and shouldn't be reading my blogs... ^_^)

In raw form... friendship is created due to the reason that people USE one another just to reach their simple goals (or even the bigger ones).

You can see it in practice... your so-called friends needs something from you... you give it to them... and when you ask something from them... sometimes they do... sometimes they don't...

It's up to the person if he/she would be USED by you... (vice versa)

Pathetic huh...

And then I look back at the definition of friendship... hay... it's just an idealistic definition...

Anyway...

You don't expect people to be pleased with you. You don't expect people to accept you fully.

You don't have to please everybody. You don't have to make everyone to accept you.

Everybody has their own way of thinking. That's why we're all unique.

But if you feel lonely because no one understands you, it's fine.

Because there's always someone who will...

It's yourself.

Sometimes... you can excel by doing things alone...

In the yahoo messenger status I've stated above... in the last few days... I have added a line afterwards that says...

"...the super hero syndrome"

Because super heroes exists... only if we need them...

Betrayal

(Had smoked 4 packs of cigarettes in just 3 days... worked on a saturday and sunday... got only a one day vacation - labor day - for the three day weekend...)

I had a yahoo messenger status last week saying "Now i know that: TRUST is only a condom, JOY is only a bathroom tissue, HOPE is only a menthol cigarette, HAPPY is only a pack of salted peanuts".

Let's start with the JOY and HAPPY part...

Well.. having JOY and being HAPPY is really subjective...

You would have those for reasons that are really selfish to you...

Selfish? Even when you get happy by helping others or doing charity?

YES.

Remember, you have a certain sense of accomplishment (or whatever you would have) when you help someone. That reason alone is selfish (or self satisying), even though your act is not.

Speaking of selfishness... you'll also do things that would make you HAPPY even though you're already HURTING someone. Indeed, happiness can't be shared with others. The sole reason is that happiness is naturally selfish... you can't tell everybody to be HAPPY for you. Each and every person has an emotion. You can't CONTROL it (unless you corece them to).

HOPE...

Well... everybody has hope... may it be on love, career, etc.

I've already lost hope in getting married... or get someone to TRULY love me... well.. it's just a mindset.. I CAN LIVE MY LIFE ALONE...

Nowadays, I always play this song on my computer... it's entitled "Goodbye to Love"... sang by the Carpenters...

And it goes like this...

******************************************************************

I'll say goodbye to love
No one ever cared if I should live or die
Time and time again the chance for love has passed me by
And all I know of love is how to live without it
I just can't seem to find it.

So I've made my mind up I must live my life alone
And though it's not the easy way
I guess I've always known
I'd say goodbye to love.

There are no tomorrows for this heart of mine
Surely time will lose these bitter memories
And I'll find that there is someone to believe in
And to live for something I could live for.

All the years of useless search have finally reached an end
Loneliness and empty days will be my only friend
From this day love is forgotten
I'll go on as best I can.

What lies in the future is a mystery to us all
No one can predict the wheel of fortune as it falls
There may come a time when I will see that I've been wrong
But for now this is my song.

And it's goodbye to love
I'll say goodbye to love.

******************************************************************

I just HOPE that my current mindset would last... I don't want to be with a girl that loves hurting me...

Last but not the least...

TRUST... my favorite condom... someone told me that 0.2 and 0.3 is even better... but I'll try those next time... ^_^

Anyway...

TRUST can be found anywhere... between family members, peers, love ones... anywhere...

You TRUST those who are close to you even more... you TRUST them NOT to severe your relationship (albeit friendship, love, etc)

But there would come a time that a person's HAPPINESS would totally damage or destroy the TRUST that you have for them...

Indeed... I already have destroyed some ties because of this...

I'm a LOYAL person... and I want LOYALTY from my peers...

But... when someone breaks my TRUST... I totally destroy the link between me and that person (or group)...

I don't have grudges... I just don't forgive...

You would be just foolish befriending someone who has already severed your trust to him/her...

But then again... if you love that person... you would do foolish and irrational things....

And those foolish and irrational things would only be justifiable in a CLOUDED mind...

For several days already, my yahoo messenger status says "The Final Jeopardy category is: 80s movies. The answer: This 1983 film was directed by David Hugh Jones and starred Jeremy Irons, Ben Kingsley and Patricia Hodge".

To those trivia freaks like me... they would get the correct response to that Jeopardy answer.

But to those who aren't, there's always google...

Anyway.. the correct response is...

"What is BETRAYAL?"

Johari and Nohari Windows

Care to answer my Johari and Nohari Windows?

The Johari Window was invented by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham in the 1950s as a model for mapping personality awareness. By describing yourself from a fixed list of adjectives, then asking your friends and colleagues to describe you from the same list, a grid of overlap and difference can be built up.

You can answer my johari window by going to the link below:

http://kevan.org/johari?name=jepoy+seracarpio

The Nohari Window is a challenging inversion of the Johari Window, using antonyms of the original words. By describing your failings from a fixed list of adjectives, then asking your friends and colleagues to describe you from the same list, a grid of perceived and unrecognised weaknesses can be explored.

You can answer my nohari window by going to the link below:

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=jepoy+seracarpio

Thanks to those who have answered both windows.